Sinner Saturdays: I’m a bad patriot:(

So this week was a difficult one. First, how is it Saturday? I have no clue what happened Monday and tuesday! Second this was an extremely emotional week for me as we laid to rest a dear friend of our family who died in Afghanistan a couple of weeks ago. He was buried on my baby’s 1st birthday. So in one day I woke up happy, turned sad, then ended joyful and thankful. Third and finally I had an employee walk in and quit a couple of hours before his shift! I have never had that happen in all my years as a manager. But with all this I come out thankful for the job I have and will continue to have, the wonderful family I am building with my man, and proud of all the service men and women; even if they never HAD to go to war; because they do what I could not.

In honor of the Marine Corp Birthday and Veteran’s Day, this confession is for you. I am a bad patriot and wife. My husband was a marine reservist when I met him. I knew this and I also knew he liked it. I still continued to date and fall in love with such a man even though I knew a military life is not for me. So when his 6 years was up I was happy he wasn’t enlisting. But then he lost his job and wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. We were at a crossroads in our relationship, having seperated for a few months, but still talking and trying. And then he said it: I’m gonna reenlist.

My heart sank. You see at this time we were just in the beginning of the war in Iraq and 9/11 was the reality of that time. I knew if he went I couldn’t follow. I couldn’t wait. My life had to keep pressing on. My confession: I told him if you reenlist i will leave you. I know I know I am a horrible woman. But I knew I couldn’t spend my life waiting for that phone call. He was a marine he would be out there fighting for real and I couldn’t let them man I love and wanted to grow old with, do this! We were half way to broken up already it wouldn’t have worked out for us. I know this. Then he said well it’s either that or I’m moving to Dallas to go to school. WTF? Where did this one from? But you know what? If he could negotiate for me, I could negotitate for him. I said I will go for 3 years but then I’m coming home. What happens, happens. He agreed and now we are married with 2 kids. That Christmas my husbands reserve unit was called to duty and a marine named Matt Smith was killed, it wasn’t my Matt Smith though. I cried. I cried because That coulda, woulda, shoulda been me. But I am a bad patriot.


About thecoffeeqween

I am a 30 something year old mom, wife, and lover of all things coffee and tea. I have two kick ass boys, a hubs who looks like Collin Ferrell, and a killer job as a store manager for Starbucks. Follow me as I juggle it all downing espresso, raising boys and learning to be happy with what I got!
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