Mommytalk: marriage

I rarely write about my man simply because he asked me not to air our dirty laundry. I understand his apprehension around blogging, so I rarely talk marriage issues on here. But the other night we had the most major fight of our lives. It was all over a misunderstanding that spiraled out of control.
We ended up yelling like we have never yelled at each other before. We both went to those places, you know the ones that push each others buttons so badly it never goes away.
I think back now and wanna slap myself for allowing myself to go there. It is always so stupid, arguing, in retrospect. Nothing is ever that big of a deal to fight unfairly and use another’s weakness against them.
I made a resolution this year to refocus some time on building my friendship back up with my husband. We have been doing so well too. And until last night I was truly worried about whether or not we would recover fully.
But we finally found the words. In the days following the fight we tried to talk but I couldn’t be the only one talking and my Hubs simply said he had no words other than sorry. He said he felt so awful that all he could think were the words I’m sorry. I said let’s just not talk about it until we have the words.
We talked yesterday and agreed to NEVER let it get like that again. I feel so much better and like we are back again. And I think taking 3 steps forward when you just took 2 back was so important for us. The man and I agreed 10 years ago when we first talked about marriage that for us it’s forever. Divorce is not a way out. We both value marriage and family and wanted to make sure we both had the same feelings.
But it’s hard sometimes to fight fair when you feel attacked. We both agreed we can never fight like that again. And I believe we never will. We made it almost 12 years until our first so I know it won’t happen again.
I believe one of the most vital things parents teach their kids is how to love and forgive when it comes to relationships. While we may fumble through it I am always proud of what my hubs and I are teaching our boys. We agreed it’s ok to just stop and walk away, take a time out if you will. Luckily arguments are few and far between but none the less having an argument exit plan may be the key to fighting fair. Maybe we will see hopefully we won’t:)


About thecoffeeqween

I am a 30 something year old mom, wife, and lover of all things coffee and tea. I have two kick ass boys, a hubs who looks like Collin Ferrell, and a killer job as a store manager for Starbucks. Follow me as I juggle it all downing espresso, raising boys and learning to be happy with what I got!
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