Sinner Saturday: I’m a baby.

Okay yesterday was the straw that broke the camel’s back. All week I wasn’t feeling well. I felt lethargic. My mind was muddled, it was hard to concentrate. I had the dull pain on my right side- everyone telling me that’s where your kidney’s are. Me replying duh. But yesterday was awful. The night before the pain had worsened. That morning I could hardly stand it. Halfway through the day the way I looked an felt had caused my partners to hassle me into calling the doctor.

So I did. I hate going to the doctor. I feel like such a dork when I’m there. I can never explain myself and what I’m feeling. And I’m always nervous I’m dying.

Yes I think I am going to get cancer and die an leave my boys without a mother. It’s stupid I know. But when I was younger I dreamt I died of cancer, alone. And since having Caleb and some post partum anxiety, coupled with dealing with the aftermath of my aunts death- it is always on my mind.

Normally I can quiet the thought but when it comes to my health it’s hard o Shh the circumstances of my life. I know it’s silly but there are still things I’m so anxious about I haven’t done or get nervous doing because of my anxiety. But I went I have a kidney infection I will live another day.

Long story short: I knew it was probably a kidney infection around Wednesday but didn’t go to the doctor until Friday. I’m a bug ol’ baby y’all!

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About thecoffeeqween

I am a 30 something year old mom, wife, and lover of all things coffee and tea. I have two kick ass boys, a hubs who looks like Collin Ferrell, and a killer job as a store manager for Starbucks. Follow me as I juggle it all downing espresso, raising boys and learning to be happy with what I got!
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3 Responses to Sinner Saturday: I’m a baby.

  1. Alaina says:

    It’s ok…I’m not a big fan of the doctor either…feel better!

  2. Audra says:

    I dealt with postpatum depression and severe anxiety with my first and nipped it in the bud early with my second. Things look so different from the ppd/ppa mindset! EVERYTHING is magnified. You aren’t alone!

    • I had no idea ppa existed because I did not have ppa with aiden. I did have mild ppd. But as I told a friend of mine when you have ppd/ppa, it doesn’t matter how “mild” it is. It seems severe because it’s all relative. While my experience may not be as bad as someone else’s it’s awful to feel paranoid, unattached and not like yourself. Thanks or the encouragement, it’s always needed:)

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