I have always felt like the black sheep. I am not the kind of gal who sits quietly waiting for her turn. I’m the loud mouth who takes her turn as soon as possible! Getting married, becoming a mother, and growing up has taught me a lot of humility. It has taught me to not sweat the small stuff. It has taught me to sit down, shut up because who the hell cares!!
But every now and then that old feisty girl can’t take it anymore. And before I know it I’m yelling. Not very loud. To the point where others feel like I’m being pushy and I don’t even notice.
I truly feel bad for that. Recently my dad and I got into a heated debate. I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. I should have known better- I do know better. But a person can only sit and listen to complete idiocy for so long! I exploded.
I don’t like that sometimes my dad has these views that seem so prejudice. And hypocritical. A man I have never seen go to church unless forced. That never speaks of religion or God, uses the bible to justify his own backwards thinking is maddening!!!
My dad is a good person. He doesn’t hate anyone he isn’t mean (except to me) but to deny people their right as a citizen because you don’t like it is short sided.
My dad often tells me I speak out of my place. Doesn’t he realize saying that only makes it worse?!! I am a person, a grown ass woman, I have opinions. 9 times out of 10 we are going to disagree. If you don’t want to hear what I have to say don’t say anything to me!! I honestly think life would be so much easier if we just said hi and bye and how’s the business. Never talk about anything we believe, think or feel.
I know that’s sad but I don’t want to fight anymore. I am sick of being the odd man out. I am sick of my whole family being awkward after these blow outs! I am too damn old to fight with my daddy. Sometimes, as much as I love being here with my family I wish we moved away.
I know next week it will all be gone and forgotten and I will think this post is a little harsh. But today, 2 days later, it still hurts. I’m still sick of it and I still am over being like this. Ugh