I have a big mouth!

I have always felt like the black sheep. I am not the kind of gal who sits quietly waiting for her turn. I’m the loud mouth who takes her turn as soon as possible! Getting married, becoming a mother, and growing up has taught me a lot of humility. It has taught me to not sweat the small stuff. It has taught me to sit down, shut up because who the hell cares!!

But every now and then that old feisty girl can’t take it anymore. And before I know it I’m yelling. Not very loud. To the point where others feel like I’m being pushy and I don’t even notice.

I truly feel bad for that. Recently my dad and I got into a heated debate. I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. I should have known better- I do know better. But a person can only sit and listen to complete idiocy for so long! I exploded.

I don’t like that sometimes my dad has these views that seem so prejudice. And hypocritical. A man I have never seen go to church unless forced. That never speaks of religion or God, uses the bible to justify his own backwards thinking is maddening!!!

My dad is a good person. He doesn’t hate anyone he isn’t mean (except to me) but to deny people their right as a citizen because you don’t like it is short sided.

My dad often tells me I speak out of my place. Doesn’t he realize saying that only makes it worse?!! I am a person, a grown ass woman, I have opinions. 9 times out of 10 we are going to disagree. If you don’t want to hear what I have to say don’t say anything to me!! I honestly think life would be so much easier if we just said hi and bye and how’s the business. Never talk about anything we believe, think or feel.

I know that’s sad but I don’t want to fight anymore. I am sick of being the odd man out. I am sick of my whole family being awkward after these blow outs! I am too damn old to fight with my daddy. Sometimes, as much as I love being here with my family I wish we moved away.

I know next week it will all be gone and forgotten and I will think this post is a little harsh. But today, 2 days later, it still hurts. I’m still sick of it and I still am over being like this. Ugh

About thecoffeeqween

I am a 30 something year old mom, wife, and lover of all things coffee and tea. I have two kick ass boys, a hubs who looks like Collin Ferrell, and a killer job as a store manager for Starbucks. Follow me as I juggle it all downing espresso, raising boys and learning to be happy with what I got!
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3 Responses to I have a big mouth!

  1. I’ve come to the same exact place with my family, and this is my approach:
    In a conflict the only person I can change, is myself. So with this in mind, I work to alter my attitude… how can I stretch my limitations, how can I be ok and centered while others act crazy? So I spent 5 years shifting my awareness and finding my happy place. For 5+ years I’ve been practicing boundaries, so much so that I’ve started teaching classes on Boundaries and Personal Power. And after all when I came to the end of all things, my happy place was away from family. I still practice boundaries, for through this practice I’ve discovered a healthy relationship with my family. It’s all laid out on my web.
    May blessings be along the path you follow…

    • Thank you for the insight. I love my family too much to ever let go. And I am really close to my mom and sister. I am slowly learning to bite my tongue and keep the peace. I know my dad and I will always be ok in the end. We are family and we live each other. It’s just the in-between time I have to work on. Thanks again!

  2. I go through this too, but it’s mostly my Mom. She means well, I know she does, but she’s a control-freak and although she claims open-mindedness, she’s the only one that sees it. I had some reactions on my blog when we had a blow up a few weekends ago about boundaries. It’s often easier said than done, although I do believe that if I could just get them in place without her hating me, we could be better for them. Good luck!

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