A lot has been left unanswered in the wake of Andrea’s death. Most I know will never be understood or ever discussed. Most I understand as unknown and can live with it. I will never know why Angel took her from is then himself. I will never understand how you love people so much you would rather take them with you and end their life.
In the years preceding her death I did not have much contact with her. I saw almost everyday. She was a customer at my store, I saw her at family events, passed her on the highway. But our interactions were not of a niece and aunt who loved each other the way we once had. I will always live with that. That she never knew me as an adult, really. That she will never know my Aiden- whom she would have loved!!! He reminds me of her sometimes.
I know that all the hurtful things between my moms family and me will never be resolved. But I do know that love and time does heal. I am realizing the resentment is fading. The pain I felt walking into my grandparents home is subsiding. I know it may never go away, but it’s fading. I am happy I no longer feel that anger. I know that if I allow myself to continue thinking about it, it will creep back up inside. But for now it sleeps. It sleeps deep within. Because spending time with my family has begun to heal those wounds. I may not understand why it had to happen but in the end I learned- I learned to let it go.