This year’s Valentine’s Day was pretty much business as usual. The hubs and I went out to dinner the night before so we wouldn’t have to deal with crowds and find a sitter. I received my super yummy chocolate covered strawberries from Shari’s Berries. If you’ve never had them they are so delicious and the best Valentine’s present a girl could ask for! My hubs has been sending them to me on V day for years and I’ve never been disappointed. One year he tried to go all expensive gift on me and I felt bad because I was disappointed I didn’t get my strawberries! Lol! All was golden. Until the end of dinner.
We went to Red Lobster because the hubs wanted crab legs and well I could eat lobster everyday! We had a nice dinner, it wasn’t too crowded and we were stuffed. There ha been a family seated a few tables down and I had noticed the little girl earlier. While we waited for the waitress to bring back our receipt, the family got up to leave. As soon as the mom passed our table I heard a thump. She had fainted and fell face first into the carpet. The little girl ran to her mom crying mommy mommy get up. Trying to pull her up her cries getting louder. I ran to get some help because there was no staff around. As we sat there helpless I felt a little funny. And I knew it was coming back
My chest felt tight and I began to think about Andrea and my boys. I began to breathe faster and then the tears came. The hubs looked at my like I had just grown another head. Are you okay? Are you crying. I nodded and excused myself. I told him I would be in the car I can’t take this.
My anxiety is coming back. The anxiety I felt after my aunt’s death and the birth of our second child. The anxiety that someday my boys could be without me or worse something would happen to them. When hubs gets in the car he sees I’m borderline hyper ventilating. He reassures me she is ok. Apparently she was sitting up and talking when he left. But now I’m scared again. I keep hearing the little girl and dreaming about my boys doing that to me. I want to cry. I am trying to keep it at bay. I am trying to breathe deeply and take it moment by moment. I beat this once before I can beat it again.