Free Falling

Sometimes when I’m trying to fall asleep I will put the tv on a Sirius XM channel. I listen to whatever fits my mood. Sometimes it’s hits, jazz, coffeehouse, it just depends. When I’m in a funk I listen to 90’s and Lithium because its music from when I was in high school. You know the music, where you were a brooding teenager and music was your life!
But sometimes I listen to 80’s and a song comes on and my heart smiles and aches at the same time. This just happened.
Free Falling by Tom Petty just came on. I can see the music video in my head. I can remember cruising in the car with my Tia Andrea singing along with out a care in the world. Life just seemed so easy and carefree. She had the life I wanted so bad. I used to take in those moments thinking I want to be this cool some day. I want to be effortless.
She lost that at some point. I don’t know exactly when but I know that is when our relationship changed.
Now that she’s gone hearing those songs tAkes me back to those moments. I smile for a while then it fades and sometimes I cry. I cry because I miss her. I feel her. Those moments when the song comes on and I remember and that smile hits my face, that’s her. I can feel her and she’s smiling and telling me she remembers misses me too and is here. It never gets easier, grieving. Never.

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About thecoffeeqween

I am a 30 something year old mom, wife, and lover of all things coffee and tea. I have two kick ass boys, a hubs who looks like Collin Ferrell, and a killer job as a store manager for Starbucks. Follow me as I juggle it all downing espresso, raising boys and learning to be happy with what I got!
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One Response to Free Falling

  1. Alaina says:

    No it never does get any easier. I miss all of the loved ones I have lost every single day. But treasure those memories. Those will be what comfort you in your sadness.

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