A year ago today I awoke early in the morning anxious and excited to meet my Callen. We get in the car and head to the hospital. It was a scheduled c section at 39 weeks exactly. I was so nervous. Not about the surgery but how much this moment this day meant to me. I knew we weren’t going to plan on having anymore children. I knew this was going to be the last time I did this. I was so nervous something wouldn’t go as planned.
We arrive at the hospital and it’s so frantic. The nurses are not happy. They are annoyed and with me. They were super busy and getting ready to switch shifts soon. They were super stressed about some scary stuff happening to another patient. I ended up being in the prep/recovery room with this patient.
I think about her often. I hope she is preparing to celebrate her baby’s birthday. She had complications which caused her to have an emergency c section. I remember her crying. I remember her asking about her baby every time the nurse came in. Later as I moved into my room I remember hearing code blue too many times to count and wondered if every time it was her baby and if he was ok.
Today I celebrate the final chapter in my journey called motherhood. His name is Callen Matthew and I love him so dearly. I love him and appreciate all he has done for this family. I will not lie it has been a rough year but the joy and love we have for one another has grown in ways that are unimaginable. I will admit I’m saddened at the thought that I will never get to go through these moments again. Then I think about that poor girl and those code blues called. And go watch Callen sleep and I thank God, Buddha, everyone and thing I can because we are so lucky to have each other and be happy and healthy. Callen mommy loves you. You have made our family complete and I am so thankful for your squishy face!! Love you baby bear!!