I Don’t Know You, but I Feel You.


I don’t know this family. I know their names are Dan and Jacqui and their sweet boy Ryan. I saw them on Instagram Tuesday. Everyone I know was posting pictures with the hashtag #redballoonsforryan so after seeing it so much I finally clicked on it. Ryan was playing in a friends front yard and in his excitement ran out into the street to grab a wayward frisbee. In this single moment of pure joy for him he was struck by a truck and passed away.

I have no clue who these people are but in that moment we became connected as parents. I cried reading his story and looking through her Instagram feed at all the loving, sweet, and silly images of their perfect little family. I don’t know them but I feel pain and heartache for them.

I have no clue if the world or God is trying to tell me something but I get it, I hear you. With so many little lives lost lately I sure am taking stock and making sure I appreciate every moment I get with mine.

If you have read my blog than you know I have suffered some post partum anxiety and well it never really goes away. All of these things happening is starting to activate the parts of my brain that go to the dark places and tell me I don’t deserve this happiness or that any moment it’s my turn to have tragedy strike me.

For now I sit and keep those feeling and thoughts buried. I am choosing to be thankful. I am choosing joy over fear and pain. I would rather have happy moments wild and free than terrified guarded ones locked up inside my home afraid of what might happen.

This Mother’s Day release a red balloon for Ryan and his parents and keep them in your thoughts. It is just against nature and all things right for a parent to bury a child.


About thecoffeeqween

I am a 30 something year old mom, wife, and lover of all things coffee and tea. I have two kick ass boys, a hubs who looks like Collin Ferrell, and a killer job as a store manager for Starbucks. Follow me as I juggle it all downing espresso, raising boys and learning to be happy with what I got!
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2 Responses to I Don’t Know You, but I Feel You.

  1. Erin N. says:

    This story broke my heart. I struggle with the same anxiety, feeling so guilty for the happiness and blessings I have in life, and wondering when it’s my time to endure tragedy. I hate it. 😦

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