I am lying on this gurney in an ambulance waiting. The paramedic is talking gibberish and I’m just trying to feel. Feel if I’m going to be okay. I already know Matt won’t go to the hospital as a patient, he is so flippin stubborn. He is almost more stubborn than me!! I hear the paramedic ask if he’s coming and what not because we gotta go. The fireman says he is refusing treatment but we are doing a quick assessment. Of course, he could have internal bleeding, shock, my mind races I cannot lose him. The Smith Five does not work without him!
Side note: men please just go to the doctor! Don’t be so manly that your wife can’t worry about her own well being anymore because she is too damned worried about you!
I hear my sister say I’ll go. I hear her but she never gets in. I’m all alone in this ambulance trying to feel past the pain. I honestly have no idea how I am so calm. I am in so much pain it’s unbearable. There are no words to describe this. But the medic says my heart rate and blood pressure are great. All he can talk about is the glass that is covering my face, arms, chest, and in my mouth. Asking what it could have been. I said I had a Starbucks mug in my car maybe that? (If you look closely in the previous post you will see that Starbucks mug sitting outside the car in tact!) I was totally impressed with his ability to get an IV in my arm in the bumpiest ride through town ever. We pull up and I hear a girls voice, I love you sissy. I had no idea my sister was up front. I love her so much for coming with me, for not leaving me alone and scared. She is amazing.
We get to the hospital and it is like a nightmare. All the things you see on tv shows and movies is happening to me. I’m surrounded by doctors and nurses and each one is yelling out this and that. Asking me all these questions, moving me all over the place even though I’m in all this pain! Then I hear it, the scissors cutting through my jeans. My first thought is I’m hurt worse than I know. They see something that I can’t see. Then I think oh God everyone is going to see me naked- everyone.
They have to exam every square inch and flip you this way and that. The whole time I have this huge neck brace that makes it harder to breathe. I am not sure what happens next but I know I had all kinds of X-rays. All from above, nothing too invasive. I’m thinking this seems not emergent. Like everyone is too calm and there are less and less people around me until it’s just me and a couple of nurses and my sister. I finally get some morphine. And let me tell you, that is some good ish. For about an hour and then it starts wearing off. I wouldn’t get anymore morphine or any other pain killer for almost 12 hours.
By now my mom and husband show up. The guy who hit is is also at the hospital for a BAC test and is sleeping off his hangover. I am told my c rays are clear and I will stay for 6 hours to be monitored and then released. I am in total disbelief. The pain I am feeling, the fact that my knee feels hyperextended every time they straighten it out, it just can’t be. I tell my family to go I will be fine. Rest up and come get me when I’m released.
I am photographed by the highway patrol and asked about my injuries. They want to build a case against this man and assured me he is going to jail. I begin to think maybe I’m not as strong as I think and this pain isn’t as bad as I think, after all I’m just bruised badly. But God I am in pain. I relax thinking and beginning to believe I’m going to live. I’m going to hug my babies and see them in the morning and life will be as it should. I immediately think of Aiden, my oldest, he knew what happened and was scared. He asked what will we do now that the car is gone, what will happen if mommy can’t work? This kid is too smart and I’m sad he even has these thoughts. I am angry that this happened, but then I could have died. I began to think about my love-hate relationship with religion and God. Is this punishment or did He save me. Then I worry if I’m ungrateful I may die from complications. Laying on a gurney in this closet of a room my mind is wandering and my feelings are soaring and I just want to not be in pain. I want to sleep. But that’s not going to happen.
To be continued…