Morphine. Unless you get morphine on a drip at your disposal, it’s the dumbest painkiller ever. Yes it works. It works almost immediately and gloriously, but it wears off so fast. Within 30 minutes I can feel twinges of pain and by 2 hours I’m in full blown pain again.
County hospitals need to exist. And ours is the only level 1 trauma center in our city. I had to go there. I didn’t have a choice. And now I was stuck on a gurney until they could transfer me to the surgical wing. They also were waiting for the orthopedic surgeon to come speak with me. Again it felt like forever and I had to lay and the most uncomfortable thing with a broken hip.
Now family is calling, talking about transferring me. This hospital is not really as great as it sounds. It’s filthy and there are so many people in every corner, it has the worst reputation and I can’t say their treatment of me proved that reputation wrong.
The surgeon comes in and at this point it’s still up in the air as to if I will need surgery or not. I was hoping I wouldn’t. I just wanted this to be simple from here on out. I silently pleaded with God to protect me again, even more. I don’t know why, maybe because I still worried about dying so much, but the idea of surgery scared the hell out of me.
His name is Dr. Gomez and he was not at all what I was expecting and super friendly. He confirmed surgery was needed, without it I would definitely need a total hip replacement sooner rather than later and arthritis was imminent. So when, was my next question. Apparently the type of fracture I had is the worst kind you can have. Only 2 doctors in my city perform the surgery, him and a Dr. Eagan. I ask if I could get another opinion or ask another doctor. He said of course but I would have to go to Fresno or Los Angeles. Then he looks at Matt and I and said the most honest thing ever. He said ” I know this hospital has a not so great reputation, and it’s probably mostly correct. For instance I won’t perform your surgery. The earliest I will do it is Monday and I won’t be here Dr. Eagan will. It’s a holiday weekend and the surgical staff is the B team. I only perform this surgery with my top staff.” Now I know this comes off as saying exactly what I want to hear but he also said he write up a list of other surgeons I could seek out for their opinion. I can’t explain it we just felt comfortable with what he was saying. My family however still wanted me moved.
When I finally got a room, it was the worst room ever. My roommate was a severely obese YOUNG lady who smelled so bad my mother had to rave gagging. Thankfully I got put in another room. But two things I realized about hospital beds and the nurses I encountered. They won’t help you transfer unless absolutely necessary, I have a broken hip and we didn’t know this but knee as well and my entire right side is so sore, I needed all their help!! Also they are so much more comfortable than a gurney. As soon as I got into position, half of my pain was gone!
As we waited I silently cried. I cried when no one was looking and I prayed and pleaded with God to save me once again. I don’t know why but I had such a fear of this surgery. I kept thinking I’m too calm, I was too calm. When I go under I’m never waking up. I thought about the will I wrote as a class assignment and how it was going to be my kids reality. I wondered if Matt would follow my wishes and stay with my parents so they could help him raise the boys. I wondered how long he would stay by my bedside hoping for me to wake up. How long would he keep me alive and would he give up on me. I told you, I was terrified.
Then I did the one thing I wasn’t supposed to do. The only doctor I spoke to during this time said this was like the “going to the moon” type of surgery for ortho’s and that he didn’t do it but had seen it. He did not ease my worries. So I googled it. Ugh the amount of complications that can arise from this surgery are ridiculous! Like dead foot. They have to move your sciatica nerve out of the way to perform the surgery and sometimes it is damaged and your foot no longer works. Your foot no longer moves up and down in a walking motion. This was not what I needed to read, you know as someone who has issues with her sciatica already. Then the chance of arthritis anyway and then a hip replacement eventually, yeah well that didn’t help.
I had an amazing roommate named Sherry. She talked me off my ledge of fear. She prayed with me and for me and put me at ease. I thanked her many times but I know it wasn’t enough. She was so sweet and kind and funny. I hope she is doing well and I think about her often. I finally fall asleep knowing tomorrow is my big day and I will again have to be strong.
To be continued…