I didn’t prepare for this but I it’s not like I needed to plan out what I was going to say. We tell our boys that touching another human being in a harmful, violent manner is never acceptable. So when my 2 oldest boys and I were putting away laundry and picking up I wasn’t surprised when my oldest started shooting toys into the bin naming football players names each time. They are into sports and like to watch with their dad. During basketball season they toss basketballs or toys and yell Kobe. Baseball the talk Dodgers a day everyday. And now that football has started they have started naming off football players they hear a lot and guys they see make big plays.
What I wasn’t expecting was my oldest to shout out Ray Rice when playing around. I said excuse me? And he looks at me totally confused. It dawns on me that while they are tossing around the football kind of paying attention to the game, he probably heard his name a lot but didn’t hear and definitely didn’t see why.
I look straight at him and tell him I never want to hear that name out of his mouth again. I said he is NOT a nice man and doesn’t deserve to be walking around free. Of course he asked why and I didn’t hesitate to say he beat up his wife. My son looked at me so perplexed. As in why would he do that. He asked why and I said I don’t know but there is never a reason for a man to hurt a woman physically. That it’s never okay to touch someone with the intent to harm them. That women are tough but that doesn’t mean you can punch them. He says okay and then looks up and asks me what happened to her. And BOOM! I was so not prepared with what to say after that.
I said she went to the hospital but is better now. He had more questions but I didn’t know what to say. She apologized for her involvement, she married him, she is a victim and probably scared. I was not prepared to go there. I told him that’s as far as our conversation was going to go and I lucked out because he was over it too.
I haven’t thought a lot about the whole situation myself to be honest. I totally chickened out in that moment. I used my mommy powers to end the convo and while not ashamed I am not proud either. Goodness I need to stay ahead of the game with that kid! What would you say? Mind you I also had a 4 year old in the room and didn’t want to get into details. I also didn’t know how to explain victimization and the psychological ramifications of being abused by a loved one. Again I’m just glad he dropped it.