Yesterday was a very emotional day. I spoke at a ceremony honoring law enforcement for having a high quantity of good DUI arrests. I was extremely honored and nervous to sit in a room filled with so many people who have seen cases worse than mine. I didn’t expect to tear up but i felt so many emotions telling my story to a new group of people I couldn’t help it. A few times I looked over to the hubs and he looked like he was holding back tears and then I started tearing up again. I met some awesome officers and great people who fight every day to bring an end to drunk/drugged driving. I always feel such a sense of strength and purpose when I get to tell my story. I really like doing these events and hope I get to continue. I sat next to a wonderful girl I remember seeing at the Walk like MADD event last year. She, like myself, was in a wheelchair at that time. And like me now, she is no longer in that chair. She was in an crash right after me. Her friends died in the crash and she was the lone survivor. I can’t even begin to imagine how she feels. But we spoke and shared a lot of the same issues. We both are not fans of the word victim and prefer the term survivor. I like her. I hope she continues to stay positive and get better.
But yesterday was already an emotional day before it even started. Yesterday was 6 years since my Tia Andrea was killed. I always feel a pit in the bottom of my stomach leading up to the anniversary. I always struggle with anniversary in this sense. It’s not a day I want to celebrate. I am glad I got to see my mama today. To help ease her heart even if just for an hour or so. I don’t ever know what to say to her or my anyone else in the family. It’s not something I want to remember but I can never forget. I cannot believe it has been 6 years. I was just thinking how much she would love my boys. I can just see her dancing with them and being silly like she was with me when I was their age. She was the best. I wish we could have spoken before she passed. I wish she was here today and that we could have buried the past instead of her. I still have anger towards her husband for taking her away. I look at Alex her daughter, and marvel in her street and ability to live a full life in spite of the events that changed her life forever. She is amazing. Oh Andrea there’s so much I wish for you and our family. I know you are smiling in heaven watching us and missing us as much as we miss you. Til we meet again.