As my boys grow I catch glimpses into the future- their future. I can see them as young men and imagine what they might be like in high school, college, even adult hood. Ugh I can’t imagine being a parent of an actual adult. Too much! By in these moments it’s the tug at my feelings, my heartstrings that always makes me lose my breath. It’s as if I want to be proud of that moment, knowning they will be good men one day but also sad that it’s closer than any of us want to admit.
Aiden is 9 going on 10 in a few months and he recently took soccer pics. And when I opened up the digital file and saw the young man on my screen I gasped. I sucked in air and thought how is this my child, my baby. The boy who made me a mom, who gave me my first gray hair, that called me mommy first, how in the world? He just looked so grown. This was one of those glimpses. Those moments where you smile as you cry.
I saw a young man and not my baby and I was both proud and sad. Proud of what the future holds for him and sad that my baby is no longer there. Oh motherhood and father time you are so god damn cruel.