The biggest story from 2017 was the discovery that I was pregnant. God there was so much I wanted to write and couldn’t find the words to say how overwhelming this was. Shocked does not begin to describe how I felt. I had taken a test on Friday but it was negative. By Monday I knew I had messed up the test and I was pregnant. I just knew, I always did. While at one time I did want a 4th child after the crash I honestly lost all hope for a fourth. Then one of those down moments in my marriage led to us struggling money wise and i knew we couldn’t afford another child. So early in the morning I snuck into the bathroom and took the test. And I cried. I cried so many tears and I was scared. Scared what Matt would say, scared what we were going to do and scared about how this was going to affect my other kids. So I wiped my face and woke up Matt. His reaction was not what I was expecting. I expected shouting, I expected him to be angry, I mean I was upset surely he was. But I got none of that. He wasn’t over joyed but he seemed just fine. I asked. I said those words. I uttered that phrase and I’m so sad I felt I had to but I did. I was hoping and praying he wouldn’t say yes but I had to know his honest thoughts and that only comes with an honest question. Thankfully he said no. No to not wanting this baby, it never came to mind for him. It wasn’t ideal but this baby was loved from the moment we found out. I know that seems weird but I was all kinds of irrational in the beginning. And it started from that moment. I have so much more to say but this was hard enough.
2017 started with a test and it is ending with love. Because Greyson is here and we didn’t know what we were missing until he came along.