Happy Birthday Callen!

A year ago today I awoke early in the morning anxious and excited to meet my Callen. We get in the car and head to the hospital. It was a scheduled c section at 39 weeks exactly. I was so nervous. Not about the surgery but how much this moment this day meant to me. I knew we weren’t going to plan on having anymore children. I knew this was going to be the last time I did this. I was so nervous something wouldn’t go as planned.

We arrive at the hospital and it’s so frantic. The nurses are not happy. They are annoyed and with me. They were super busy and getting ready to switch shifts soon. They were super stressed about some scary stuff happening to another patient. I ended up being in the prep/recovery room with this patient.

I think about her often. I hope she is preparing to celebrate her baby’s birthday. She had complications which caused her to have an emergency c section. I remember her crying. I remember her asking about her baby every time the nurse came in. Later as I moved into my room I remember hearing code blue too many times to count and wondered if every time it was her baby and if he was ok.

Today I celebrate the final chapter in my journey called motherhood. His name is Callen Matthew and I love him so dearly. I love him and appreciate all he has done for this family. I will not lie it has been a rough year but the joy and love we have for one another has grown in ways that are unimaginable. I will admit I’m saddened at the thought that I will never get to go through these moments again. Then I think about that poor girl and those code blues called. And go watch Callen sleep and I thank God, Buddha, everyone and thing I can because we are so lucky to have each other and be happy and healthy. Callen mommy loves you. You have made our family complete and I am so thankful for your squishy face!! Love you baby bear!!

Fun Times in Hollywood

On Saturday we packed up the car and headed down south to Universal Studios Hollywood. It was me, aiden and Caleb, my mom and my Tia Katie. The boys had no idea we were going until Friday night and honestly they really didn’t know what universal studios was.

But when we got there they started shouting we’re here!! It was so magical to hear and see their excitement. And let me just say- thank you for having valet parking Universal Studios, thank you! First stop had to be Jurassic Park. I mean we have been watching it every Friday night for 2 months now. Sadly Caleb was too little to ride so he and my mom waited for us. This was Aiden’s first scary roller coaster type ride and it delivered. He did cry at the end but he really thought for a second that those bad boys were real! I loved it!

Then came the icing on the cake- we met Optimus prime and helped him defend against Megatron!! Both of them loved the ride and getting a picture with him.

For me the tram ride to the back lots was magical. We got to visit Whoville from the Grinch movie!!! Even Aiden stopped and was in awe. They had a 3D scene from the new King Kong movie where he battled the T Rex’s on Skull Island. While a bit scared, Caleb thought it was so cool!

We finished the night at City Walk Universal and the Hard Rock Cafe. Where my boys put on a little dance show for passers by. All in all it was a great day had by all. I am so happy my mom and Tia were able to share that day with us and I can’t wait to go again!!

Fitch The Homeless

I don’t even know where to start. The CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch has spoken out about the customer he wants to shop at his stores. He doesn’t sell XL women’s clothing because he doesn’t want fat people wearing them. He only wants “the cool kids” to be seen wearing Abercrombie clothes. People who belong, fit in, meet his criteria are allowed to buy his clothes.

I’m sorry who died and made you the Hitler of retail. Yes I said Hitler because isn’t the same thing? Yes there are shops that cater to a certain body type, plus sized and big and tall, but they don’t discriminate based on a person’s ability to fit in to ones social idea of what is cool. They don’t put down those that cannot shop at their stores. They aren’t out there saying if you don’t belong we will mock you and you should be jealous.

I saw a great little YouTube video about Abercrombie getting a “brand readjustment.” In this video a consumer decided to fight the man by buying A&F clothes at goodwill and giving them to homeless people- hence the hashtag fitchthehomeless I plan to participate and hope you will view the video and decide to help. In today’s world we speak with money. Our power is in the purchase. I plan to not shop there. #fitchthehomeless

Rebellious Boys

My boys are in a weird phase. They are being rebellious, but not all the time. It’s so off that it makes handling the situation hard. I am not sure what to do. From little things like ignoring simple requests to full blown yelling at me. And I will be honest- I have lost it a few times in those moments and yelled back.

It just seems so unbelievable to me that they would behave this way. Then I think they act like me. I mean I yelled so they yell. My family is loud and yelling is normal talk most days.

I have really made it my resolution to work on this and honestly I’m quite proud of myself that I have done a great job squashing this. It has been such a huge effort for me and recently it seems like a power struggle is going on.

I know this is normal and happens throughout childhood but goodness I’m over it!

If you have any good tricks please share. I am not desperate or anything and like I said it’s not an everyday let alone every week kind of thing. I just don’t have time for it! Ha!

Manic Monday

Man I feel like I am standing still and constant moving at the same time. Is that weird? You know how when you put your feet in the sand and wait for the tide to roll in and then as the ocean pulls it back in you feel like you are flowing in the opposite direction? Yeah that that right there is my life right now.

I have 3 weeks of school left, Callen is turning one, 3 trainees at work, end of the school year for Aiden, 2 weddings and let’s not even talk about the amount of laundry piling up!! Ugh the laundry, the house, my car!! Will it never end?

Every Monday I feel like this week I’m going to be awesome and get everything done, stick to my diet, workout and be the best mom and wife! And then by the end of Monday I already feel defeated. So today I am going to accomplish 1 thing and 1 thing only- laundry. If I can start my week off with one good thing then that will be alright. Happy Monday y’all!

An Intern’s Life

So I’ve been real busy working and finally completing my internship hours. It’s been quite the experience and I’m having so much fun! I have to say that it has been a while since I felt so excited about school and work. I was so defeated that I hadn’t found a site yet and that things were so looking so bleak I seriously spun into this depression.

I have a month left and then I graduate! It’s finally here and I can taste it!! I wasn’t too excited before because I was basically told I would never find a good job and that I would have to take such a drastic pay cut it would be impossible to accept anything! But I have found an LDA and I will working part time while still continuing my job at Starbucks. It will be tough but the good thing is this internship already has me prepared. I work there and here now so I am getting used to the lack of free time. In the end the reward will definitely outweigh the current sacrifice. Ah wish me luck!!!

I Left My ❤ in Boston

I posted this yesterday, well last night. I just couldn’t take all the bullshit I was reading on line. Everything from this is why we need guns to all Muslims should die. Then there were those who acted like nothing happened and promoted their agenda for the day regardless. I had just had it.

A little boy died yesterday. He hugged his father and turned to watch him cross the finish line and that was it. 2 others died who I’m sure have friends and family that are heartbroken and inconsolable. Forgive me for not caring about your twitter party or how if everyone in America had assault rifles we could have prevented this. I don’t care.

My heart sank as I watched the news. As I tried to answer Aiden’s questions. As I tried to not cry in front of him. Then he hugged me and said its okay mom. A bad thing happened and it’s okay. He is so loving and knew I needed to hear that and needed a hug. My heart sank to think there are parents who will never hug their little man again.

I changed the channel so Aiden and I could move on. But I said a prayer, I sent hugs and positive thoughts. I have my heart to Boston yesterday. I hope this is it. I hope that this isn’t the beginning. Hoping all of you are safe and with your loved ones. Be safe and be strong. We are a country divided right now- evil is out there and thriving in our vulnerability. It’s time to remember we are one nation. We are not democrats or republican, Christians or non Christians, we are all Americans and right now we are bleeding. Come together and be united as one. Take care friends.!

New Boss New Day

A district manager (DM) of mine once said to me “the only thing consistent about Starbucks is change.” Of course this is meant from a management perspective but it is so true. I have had a good run in my current store and with my current DM. But it is apparently time for a change. And honestly I thought the person going to be making the change would have been me, but it’s not.
Dave is leaving and it’s kinda sad. It was all of a sudden as those things are when the person isn’t getting fired. He is a good boss and I have enjoyed learning and working alongside him these past 5 and a half years.
I already know my new dm since it is a store manager but he is fairly new and I haven’t had that much interaction with him. I will say this however, all the interactions I have had have been pleasant and not scary. He seems really devoted to getting to know us and how we work as a team.
So here’s to change and all that uncertainty it brings. While the change may not be my own it will still impact me. And good bye to Dave- you will be missed and I hope to see you at some Condor games!

Stow Aways: Enjoying the Moment

If someone had told me that finding my kids toys in my bed would bring me joy I think my younger self would have rolled her eyes. She would had scoffed at the notion that something so trivial and possibly annoying would bring a smile to my face and warm my heart so, but it sure does.

Lately I have been struggling with the perfect house/life syndrome. You know where you see all these amazing online mommy friends and their house looks so put together and clean in pics and you feel like such a disappointment because you have to blur the background of all your pics so that no one sees how cluttered and unorganized your home is. Now I know no ones life is perfect and we all have our off days but that’s my everyday. Having three very energetic, rambunctious boys leaves my house looking like the Tasmanian devil just had a house party in my home, working full time and going to school leaves me so exhausted the last thing I want to do is clean.

I am slowly coming around to the fact that this is my lot in life and when my boys are a few years older things will be different ( a girl can dream can’t she?) but until then I am trying very hard to just laugh and enjoy the small moments. Like pulling back your bed sheet and finding Lego ninja turtles and wipes. Or the occasional cereal bar left on the couch. Because if I worry too much about the other stuff I would never smile at the small stuff. Never get to lay in bed with Caleb every night singing you are my sunshine for the third time because he asked you to “play the sunshine song again” apparently I am similar to an iPod with my play and pause buttoned mouth:)

So if you see my pics on Instagram or twitter and the back ground is blurry know its because I’m enjoying that moment and said to hell with the mess!

Dilemma’s

I just don’t even know anymore. I finally found someone to take me under their wing for an internship but now I’m 3 weeks behind and the school wants me to work 21 hours a week. That’s 21 hours on top of the 40 or so hours I work at Starbucks. 62 hours? How am I supposed to do that and be a mom and wife? I just don’t even know. I was struggling trying to imagine 17 hours a week and now I have to do more.
I am at a loss. I’m so unmotivated all momentum has been lost and I’m trying so hard to keep going and be positive but I can’t. I want to scream at school and the lady on the phone telling me its doable. Doable? Just because something is possible doesn’t mean it’s ok!
I know many other people do this and more every week- doctors and nurses all the time. But I’m neither of those people and I’m not used to this. Please send me some positive thoughts!!