It’s that time again! 



Last week marked the first few days back to school for Aiden and Caleb. I was not sad one bit. I wasn’t necessarily happy about i was sentimental to the fact that I now have a 4th grader- I mean seriously?!! A 4th grader! And that Caleb is now a 1st grader. Man I am truly wondering where the time went. In the last couple of years the phrase “the days are long and the years are short” has really resonated with me. I feel like that perfectly sums up being a parent and what it feels like raising your kids. 

The boys love their teachers and I appreciate that they seem to have super organized teachers. Even though my work schedule is always the same and I don’t bring work home- we are busy people with sports and my husband working shift work. I can appreciate the extra time and effort their teachers are taking to help keep them and us (parents) organized. I’m excited to see what this year holds for our boys and I pray they continue to be successful students and keep the love of learning alive. 

Moochie didn’t start school- but of course I had to take his pic too! This pic however did make me sad. It is very apparent he is not a baby anymore. 😩

Happy Back 2 School Everyone! 

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A Coffee a Summer Shandy? 

Do you stalk, I mean follow Starbucks Melody? She’s amazing! Great info, pics and inside news on Starbucks and all things coffee. I ❤️ her. She recently wrote a post about a coffee summer shandy. Read it here . Did you go and read it?

I tried it and it was definitely a new flavor profile. I added a little sweeter to mine and it was just the right combo of sweet, lemony goodness. It’s not something I could drink everyday though but an afternoon outside and this is just the right pick me up. So if you try it let me know what you think. Also be prepared for the register partner, the barista, and possibly another barista asking if you meant lemonade. Lol 

I want to use regular iced coffee and see how that tastes. Sometimes the cold brew can be just a bit too tangy for me and I think the mellowness of regular iced coffee might help that. We shall see. As we get ready for fall and let’s face it where I live fall is about 2 weeks of mild temps in November, I need some more coffee adventures. What did you obsess over during the summer? I’m always up for trying new things! 

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To Coffee or Not to Coffee…

I worked at Starbucks for 14, 15, 16 years? Who can remember, it felt like fucking forever and then it now feels like it’s been forever since I have worked there. I miss it. Scratch that I miss the rush and adrenaline and the laid back, exchange of it. I don’t miss the micromanaging of DM’s and the euphoric serene setup played out to us in motivational speeches and how to video’s from stores that will never know what it means to be a central California store. Central California is the drive thru capital of Starbucks. But I am not getting into that, not my problem anymore. However if you are a manager and want a kick ass barista to kill your morning rushes Monday thru Friday 4am-8:30 am, I’m so your gal!

But I digress, the funny think about not working for Starbucks is how much coffee I drink! I drink at least 3 cups a day at the office. I never had time to sit and drink coffee. Plus I’m spoiled with being able to make whatever I feel like whenever I felt like it that regular drip with creamer is just so basic. But it’s my life right now. I drink it Monday thru Friday and if I am really lucky I get to go to Starbucks in the morning or to a local bakery and pick up some Cafe Du Monde coffee. But I wonder if this is just a habit or if it’s becoming a need. On the weekends I am not pressed to have coffee. I don’t have to have it, I enjoy it sometimes and I want to sit and be all cozy on the couch with my coffee, I just still don’t know how to be that person. I however am totally winning at the office coffee game.

But when is it too much? Frankly never in my opinion but if I don’t need it why am I doing it? Obviously I love the taste of coffee but it’s not like it’s keeping me perky. I really need it to but that’s not my response to caffeine. I also must admit I’m bored. I need to step up my coffee game. I have lost that adventure in tasting and trying new things when it comes to coffee now that I lost my constant access to coffee. Today I plan to try the coffee shandy that Starbucks Melody posted about. Cold brew with lemonade instead of water. Sounds delightful and delicious and mouthwatering. I cannot wait! Review to come soon. So even though I am still questioning my why I coffee, I will continue to coffee. I don’t think that will ever change.

 

 

 

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My Dearest Tia. 

Dear Tia Andrea:

Yesterday marks 7 years since you were taken from us. It’s funny how 7 years seems like a long time but if I sit quietly and allow myself to feel it feels like yesterday. So much has happened and yet so many things are the same. I imagine if you were here, you would be spoiling your grandbaby and so very proud of Alex. She graduated college and is an amazing mom. I imagine your heart would break for Vincent. We are all still hopeful, somewhat, that he will wake up and stop making all these bad choices. As much as I think you and my Aiden would be best friends I think you and my moochie would be even better friends. He is so wild and free it’s amazing to watch. I know you would laugh at the way he and grandpa get along. Like the odd couple, it’s adorable! Grandma misses you so much. My mom still longing for her goo goo. Every now and then I will be listening to music and one of our signature songs comes on. It’s like in that moment you are there dancing with me. Those are my favorite. I love and miss you. 
Always 

Alicia

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2 years. 


It’s been 2 years. 2 years since the day I thought I was going to die. 2 years since my world was turned upside down. Do you think about me Frankie Kahle? Do you think about my family? Probably not. I try very hard to not think of you. I think of that day and I live with the choice you made everyday but I rarely stop and think about you. You don’t deserve it. 

Judge Humphrey, do you even remember my case? Do you think about my words and how hard it was for me to get up and talk about it what the man did to me and my family? Probably not. I also try not to think of you. To think of your words of sympathy for the man that nearly killed me. I try so hard to not remember that moment when you let him walk away Scott free. The day I became a victim and not a survivor. 

It’s been 2 years and this year as much as I still isn’t want to celebrate 4th of July I did. And I tried my very best to not think of Frankie and what he did. But how could I not. While I still wasn’t totally festive and in the best spirits, I did not cry. I decided I was not going to let this man continue to control me on this day. We finally took a new picture. I can erase the one I took on that day, the one that popped in my head when that mans truck hit us. The picture I still look at and cry and think that’s the last image I thought I would ever see of my kids. I am happy to erase that. 

It’s baby steps. I know one day I will have to let it all go completely but for now there is still some anger, disappointment, and pain. But it’s been 2 years and I was finally able to get a new pic. 


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My baby! 

This post has been so hard to write. Moochie is four years old. 4!!!!! I have tried so hard to not allow this to happen but it has come and gone and now I must accept that he is not a baby anymore. That he is more little boy than baby. 

No! It hurts so much more than I thought it would. I am so happy we decided to go for a 3rd child. Callen is the best of all 4 of us wrapped into one little nugget! He is smart, funny, adorably cute, witty and charming. He is tough like his brothers and kind hearted. When I see him my heart explodes with love. As much as I want another baby he is also the perfect way to complete our family. In the end if we never have another baby, magic 8 ball says never!, I am complete. We are complete. But it’s still sad to see my very last baby grow up! 

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Happy Mugshot Monday!  

I had a workshop on Saturday so my only day off this week was Sunday. And of course Sunday was insane!! My husband and 2 older boys left Thursday for a camping trip with their wrestling team. There was not cell service so I had zero contact with them until Sunday morning when they got home. 

They had a great time and I was glad they got to have this time with their team mates and father. But as soon as they got home everything went back to crazy! Showers, brunch, then my cousin needed me to watch her adorable son which was no problem. I mean when you have 3 kids running around 1 more isn’t that much! 

I just did not expect to feel so exhausted today. I am a zombie and if you can’t tell from my mugshot, I have giant circles under my eyes. So wish me luck today and send toothpicks. For my eyelids. 

Head over to Instagram and tell me- what’s in your cup today. 

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I Don’t Want to be THAT Parent!

Our life has been thrown for a loop since the crash almost 2 years ago. So many things have happened partially as a result of that and some things that were already in play prior to the crash. Things that I have never spoken about to just about everyone in my life. And for those close to me, only know what they’ve seen, not how I feel or what has really been going on. I still can’t write about it because I’m in it. I don’t know how to process it but to just keep swimming. Part of this change has been my taking a job within my field of study. It’s a good thing and I love my job but it also means making less than half of what I used to. My husband also had to start over for many, many reasons and he is also only working part time and making half of what he used to. Our family income has reduced by half and I am swimming up stream in the battle of my life. One of the things I noticed recently is that despite how much we have tried to make all this easy on the kids, tried to maintain so that their lifestyle isn’t affected, it of course has been.

I haven’t taken my sweet boys on mommy and me dates. I no longer bake and cook and spend time in the kitchen with the boys and for the boys like I used to.  I no longer plan get togethers and birthdays months in advance, and that one. That last one, the birthday party ones, is what is really bothering me. I am not a plan all out, spend way too much on a kids birthday party kind of gal. But I do like to get a theme going and make sure everything is coordinated and fun. Callen’s birthday is a little less than a month away and I just noticed. I am that parent, that parent that has forgotten all the things they promised to do with each kid and not just the first. Everyone says by the time the second or third kid comes along you no longer feel the need to go all out or do the same things you did with your first when it was all brand new. I promised I wouldn’t be that parent. And let me say, not because there is anything wrong with that necessarily, just that when looking at ways to parent, that is something I never wanted to become. No different then me looking at attachment parenting and saying, not for me. No judgment no how dare you. Just, this is not who I see myself as.

Honestly, I think until recently I was doing well. In fact Callen had a photo shoot with a photographer for his 3rd birthday and neither of the other 2 had that! He had special mommy and me time like his brothers but I am slacking. I am slacking with all of them and it breaks my heart. My hands are somewhat tied financially but I can still plan a great birthday without spending a lot and I haven’t even tried that. I am that parent that I didn’t want to become and I am very upset. I am upset that I let my own feelings of despair alter the parent that I was. I have been battling falling down that rabbit hole of financial depression and circumstantial black holes for almost 2 years and now this. this just may send me over the edge. More often than not I am slowly realizing I am not the woman I thought I was, or ever wanted to be. I just hope my family hasn’t noticed.

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Monday Motivation

I am the laziest, busy body I know. I seem to always be doing something so when I am finally home I have no desire to do anything! Recently the boys had to maintain weight to wrestle in Reno Nevada. What this meant is making sure they didn’t eat a lot of junk and ate all the veggies and fruits and lean protein their hearts desired. Basically how I wish we could eat all the time but never seem to do. We eat fairly healthy and are really good about not buying junk food at all, but we know there are outside forces in our kids lives and they totally take those opportunities to eat chips and drink juice. Anyway I realized we could do this and do it well but it is going to take so much motivation on my part, and well that is something I can’t seem to generate lately.

Don’t get me wrong, I still cook for my family and make them healthy well balanced meals, but I am talking the planning and prepping is where I need to be and I can’t seem to get there anymore. I had been doing really well for quite a stretch. Even had meals for the crockpot in the freezer and lunches planned out for the boys for the week. But since we moved and my kitchen is smaller and it seems like all I do is work, cook, work, cook, I don’t enjoy it as much. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I miss my huge kitchen island way more than I thought I would. Not having the space to have even half of my appliances out and ready at a moments notice has totally stiffled any passion for meal planning and prepping I had.

My husband is trying to eat healthier and has been running and lost weight. I have been cutting my portions back and have lost nothing. I know I need to get back to working out, again I have no motivation at all. I am starting to follow meal planning people who post all their wonderful pics on instagram to find some inspo for this endeavor. I am spending too much money on lunch even when I keep myself on a budget it seems to be too much. It’s time. It’s so time for me to get my behind in gear and go back to menu planning and prepping. but again I am so busy that my one day to relax, Sunday, is the day that I just can’t get myself up and moving to do anything.

What motivates you to get this done? How do you snap out of the mindset of “well if things never changed, I would be okay with this”? I just can’t seem to get there. Help!

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That Boy Mom Life

I was never entirely sure if I wanted to be a mom. And my younger self most definitely didn’t want to be a mom 3 times. But as I warmed up to the idea of kids I remember thinking I hope my kids are wild, individuals, and busy. I know totally weird things to hope for but my parents always kept us busy. Encouraged us to do and try sports and activities and the more “mom” I saw myself the more I hoped for that. 

We have been so busy lately with wrestling. Both Aiden and Caleb are involved and our weekends consist of tournaments near and far. 

It’s been tough as a mom because my oldest is going up against kids with much more experience and technique than he has. Also my kids have never had to discipline themselves so much. This sport is one on one. There is no team to catch you when you fall. My middle little has won almost every tournament he has been to. He is wrestling newbies as a newbie. Trying to balance their feelings has been a tough one. 

We keep encouraging Aiden, who has won some medals, that winning isn’t everything and improving and enjoying himself is what this is about. Along with being super excited every time his brother wins. It’s been a pickle I never expected but a good growing moment for me and the hubs to learn to encourage and celebrate the individual accomplishments of our boys. 

I have always been so adamant that they are their own person, even though they are lumped together as the Smith boys, I have painstakingly made sure to never be matchup in their clothes or likes and dislikes. Yet they always gravitate toward the same things and always seem to compete against each other. Most of the time it’s harmless and we laugh about it. But this time it felt different. 

So far we seem to have managed to keep everyone happy and are walking away from these tournaments with our self esteem in tact. Well except the baby. He is always so pissed he can’t wrestle yet! He always had to be in the pictures. But no one ever complains, they don’t ever mind sharing the spotlight with the crazy one!  

 

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